SOMETHING FOUL IS A FOOT (introduction: vol 1)

Friends, readers, followers, clientele, and believers:

The wait is over. Welcome to the very first edition of my internationally-renowned bi-monthly newsletter, Something Foul Is A Foot. Some of you are already familiar my work and the organization I founded. But for those of you who are not, I will briefly fill you in.

In late 2005, I founded an organization called, TAFT (Those Against Foot-Thought). I was not crazy about the title, but the committee really like how the acronym rolled off the tongue and felt it would play well in the media. I and the founding committee members were a group of passionate, like-minded individuals from all corners of the globe (US, Canada, Germany) who were drawn together by one common goal: to rise against and stamp out the increasingly pervasive tide of foot-thought and foot-speech in this Great Nation.

To put it simply, We Believe that the human foot, while functional and necessary, is a loathsome appendage. Since We cannot reasonably expect to eliminate the human foot, We CAN work to eliminate all thought and speech involving the foot. If We are diligent in our efforts, We feel that We can make this Great Nation an even better place: a place indivisible, under God, and free from the tyranny of foot thought, speech, and fetishism.

We are a grass-roots organization. We are small in numbers and not well-financed. We rely on unity of thought, tenacity of action, and dogged persistence. We count on the fact that a vast majority of Americans are already TAFTian at heart without even knowing it. We are focused and dedicated to the task of raising awareness and gaining allegiance. We will not stop until foot-thought and foot-speech are relegated to the small, dark rooms of podiatrist's offices.

Over the years, we have amassed literature, research, case-studies, testimonials, and all manner of proof of the damage being done to our Society by the pervasiveness of foot-thought and foot-speech (FTFS). But we have been slow to embrace the full power of the Internet. We have traditionally viewed the Internet as an all-too-convenient portal into the realm of unholiness, much like the zipper. While there is great truth to this, we have come to realize that the Internet can also be a tool of righteousness and a vessel of Good. We have come to realize that the Internet is really no different than a gun. A gun can intimidate, coerce, and kill. But a gun can also deter, defend, and kill those who need to be killed.

This Internet, this grand platform of perversion and misinformation, will now serve us in our fight for Good.

We have begun a clandestine campaign of viral marketing in the form of seemingly benign blogs. There are blogs being posted all across this Great Nation that will appear to have no affiliation with us, no particular agenda that would indicate a dis-inclination towards FTFS. But through this persistent cyber-subtelty, we will make our mark and progress will be made.

Since I am a higher-profile member, I will not endeavor to sustain any measure of subtlety or deception in my blog postings. I will, however, not restrict my writings wholly to the issue of FTFS. I think it is vital to portray myself as a real person, not just a Righteous figurehead of an important movement. My hope is that my openess will act as an agent of persuasion and alliance towards Our ultimate goal: the eradication of FTFS in societal discourse.

For access to the literature and research I referenced earlier, simply reach out to me. We do not have this information posted because, as you can imagine, there are those out there who would like nothing more than to get their hands on this information and use it against us (Foot Enthusiasts, or FEs).

I am now going to to fold laundry (just like a real person). Of course, my wife will fold the socks.